Dating In The 21st Century: Is There A Point Any More?


Earlier this week I read an article about modern dating which got me thinking about the whole topic of dating in the 21st century, is there any point to dating any more? In the age of "Netflix and Chill", have we lost all discretion when it comes to dating?




If you want to find yourself a partner in the 21st century you'll probably head to somewhere like Tinder, POF or any of the other multitude of dating sites that are now available either on the internet or through an app on smartphones, So with all of this in mind, you would think that finding yourself someone, would be easy, right? Well, I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking this, but nothing has ever been further from the truth, and if you aren't thinking that I'm wrong, then please tell me your secrets. Even with the literally millions of people at our finger tips, it has never been more difficult to find a partner.

It seems like within the modern dating scene, nothing has a meaning any more, the little things that we used to use to define and place meaning on different situations, are now all but dead and buried. These days, you don't outright ask your "crush" out on a date, you ask them if they'd like to "hang out" some time, this in its self is enough to confuse the pants off of anyone, because nobody in this situation actually knows where they stand, I mean, if anyone is as oblivious to flirting as I am, then this kind of situation will just completely go over your head and you won't realise what the situation meant until it's gone past the point of being too late, maybe I'm just a little old fashioned, but "hanging out" just sounds casual, like something you'd ask your friends to do on a Saturday afternoon if you were fifteen, not something that you'd ask your "crush" to do, as if it wasn't difficult enough already to a) find the courage to ask someone on a date and b) figure out whether or not there's enough of a chance of the person you like accepting your date invitation, without adding in the confusion as to whether or not all involved parties are aware of the fact that this "hanging out" session is actually a date. Whatever happened to good ol' up front honesty?! It also doesn't matter what you do or where you go on this date, if it hasn't previously been labelled as a date, then the chances are it won't be classed as anything other than casual, whether you had sex on their kitchen table, went for dinner or just hung around their house watching movies all night, it's all still casual and all still bloody confusing!

Secondly, whatever happened to just being honest and upfront and telling the person that you have feelings for them, I mean don't get me wrong, before any of my friends decide to comment on this, I am probably a complete chicken when it comes to telling people how I feel about them, hence why even as I'm writing this blog, I still don't have the nerve to tell my "crush" that I like them, and believe me, don't I feel like a bloody school girl about it all, however, it's not just the done thing any more to come out with it, having a "crush" is like some kind of taboo subject, it's a whole lot of wink-wink, nudge-nudging from your friends whenever said person is around, but telling them how you feel? Gosh no, nobody could possibly do that. I mean, honestly, don't get me wrong, I understand the fear of rejection, worrying about whether or not they'll feel the same way as you, whether they'll be kind about the whole situation, It's completely nerve wrecking and I get that, however there is literally no other way to find out whether someone likes you or not, other than asking them, nobody else knows their feelings, and I'm pretty sure that most people reading this won't be telepathic, so you won't be able to read their mind to find out, so at some point in time, you are going to have to ask them, and if they say know, I know that it can feel completely soul destroying, but at least you know where you stand and can move on with it all.

It just seems as if in the modern dating world, there are just so many complications to what should be an almost simple thing, it should just be a case of  "I like you, you like me, lets go on a date!" and that's it, if things go well, congratulations, you have found yourself a partner, or if they don't go well, you have to fall into the whole vicious and confusing dating cycle all over again. I quite honestly, have never been through anything quite as stressful as the modern dating world. So, to link this post back around to the title, is there a point in dating in the 21st Century? Maybe, I think there's still hope for us all yet, and if not, then we can all just curl up and watch the amazing Jude Law film "Alfie" and try and pick up some dating tips from him.

As always, thank you for reading, and let me know your thoughts on the modern dating world in the comments below!

Thanks

Beth-Marie x




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4 comments

  1. Looks like my post didn't go through as anon x3

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    1. Sorry was me - TWT.

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  2. tl;dr: I believe in order to have a successful relationship just admit your feelings.

    I'm 19 and have been in a relationship for 3 years, currently on the third attempt after I broke up with him once, and he broke up with me once in both cases it lasted a week but we learnt from it.

    I find admitting your feelings generally helps in relationships, even if you are scared or don't know what to say. It's better to get it out as soon as possible and admit your feelings before it's too late and you regret it, the same goes for crushes in my opinion.

    Like the worst thing that could happen straight away is that they will reject you, the world's gonna keep spinning and chances are you will find someone else to your liking down the line anyway.

    In the question of "who is the one?" I believe it's up to you. It's not soul bound or anything, you and a partner just need to adapt to each other.

    With internet dating my experience has been a lot of creepers, I'm sure it works out for some but for me I find real life a good starting point and then we can try and see common interests from there.

    I don't feel filling out a list in the fashion of a CV online is the right way to 'apply' for a relationship with someone. It's a connection between people not matching labels. There's always a lot more depth behind someone than what you see online and it's more interesting and enjoyable to discover these sides face to face rather than as a piece of text.

    If you're worried about feeling upset. That will happen relationship or not. You may as well give it a shot.

    2 things to remember:
    If you like the person, likelihood is somebody else can, and will too. Just go for it! A person should at the least feel flattered by your feelings of them.
    People learn from failure, if this is your biggest fear then it means you will have a lot to learn from it. It's okay to feel panic, but try not to let it define you, overcome it and realize that the worry and panic is only based on your perceptions of the situation.

    Sorry for the long message.

    -TWT.

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    1. Hi TWT,

      Thanks so much for your comment, and no need to apologise for the long message! I completely agree with you there! However as I said, I'm the biggest chicken ever haha.

      I agree with you about online dating as well, I feel that it just hinders the whole process!

      Thank you so much for the great advice as well! You may have just inspired me to take the leap and address my feelings! :)

      Again, Thanks so much for your comment!

      Beth-Marie x

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